Monday, June 28, 2010

Politically incorrect-Rest everything

One little boy of around six presented a self made birth day greeting card to his Papa. Papa was very happy. Impressed, he asked: “How nice. You made it yourself?”

The kid: “Yes, Papa.”

Papa: “Thank you, son. This outline of the sky and cloud is beautiful. You drew it?”

The kid: “Mummy did it for me. Rest of the things I have done.”

Papa: “This ‘happy birth day’ is written very artistically. Did you write it?”

The kid: “Actually Rohan wrote it, but, rest of the things are done by me.”

Papa: “Fine, fine. I notice that the colors are done evenly. You did them, I suppose?”

The kid: “Didi did the coloring for me. I have done the rest.”

Papa: “And this message is so thoughtful. You thought of it?”

The kid: “Errr…. Papa, Manasi thought it for me, but the rest…………..”

Papa didn’t have the heart to ask the kid what remained in ‘rest’. Similar is the case with our B.M.C.

Public: “These Nullas are always full. Do you get them cleaned by employees of you own department?”

B.M.C.: “No, we have given this contract to a company to clean them. Rest of the things we do.”

Public: “Do your own supervisors supervise the cleaning process?”

B.M.C.: “Not really. We have outsourced this to a supervising firm. Rest of the work we do.”

Public: “What about the potholes? Did your own engineers lay these roads themselves?”

B.M.C.: “Actually we have given this contract to a very reputed company who are expert at this kind of things.”

Public: “But potholes are everywhere. Do your own people supervise?”

B.M.C.: “You see, it is cheaper to give supervising contract to outsiders. Rest of the things we manage ourselves.”

Public: “There are slums on B.M.C. land everywhere. Who will remove them?”

B.M.C.: “We have outsourced this work to people who were themselves land grabbers once. They are absolutely fit for this job. But believe us, rest of the things we do.”

Public: “And what are these rest of the things supposed to be?”

SILENCE.

I have the answer. They merely line their pockets. It’s a full time job.

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Monday, June 21, 2010

Politically incorrect-Naturally

According to our Finance minister, Sri Pranab Mukerjee, now that the issue of extradition (of Warren Anderson of Union Carbide) has come up, naturally he will explore the possibility of it (extradition)”. Hindustan Times dt. 14th June 2010, reference Bhopal Gas tragedy.

Naturally’ is the key word here and that too used quite casually. ‘Naturally’ the government is waking up after more then twenty five years of the tragedy. ‘Naturally’ the government is yet on the discussion stage of the issue. ‘Naturally’ a group of ministers is formed to find ways and means to compensate the victims. ‘Naturally’ the exploration of the process of extradition will last another twenty five years and by that time the government will ‘naturally’ expect Warren Anderson to have migrated to another planet, God knows heaven or hell.

Since we do not have any extradition treaty with either heaven or hell, the government will ‘naturally’ explore ways to get Anderson back from high above. And that will be the day.

The government let Anderson slip away or helped him flee our country. All successive governments slept on the issue for twenty five long years. It is only after mockery of a judgment was announced and there was a huge public outrage that the government is exploring ways means to punish the guilty. How very noble. ‘Naturally’, it is clear that all governments find lives of one Manu Sharma, one Koda and one Rathod more precious than fifteen thousand lives or deaths and lacs suffering, both born and unborn. It comes ‘naturally’ to the government.

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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Current affairs-Art of Love

Our very senior politician, one time aspirant of Prime Minister’s post, Sri N.K. Tiwari had to resign because of his sexual escapades. In this otherwise sad episode lies a boon in disguise. Tiwari, at 84 (or is it 85?) may not have lost his libido, but has certainly lost his mental prowess, otherwise he would have seen three opportunities in this sordid affair.

First- A certain God man in our country teaches ‘Art of living’ and has quite a few followers, not only in our country but elsewhere in the world. Tiwari can follow this God man’s foot steps and teach ‘Art of love’. His pearls of wisdom on this subject can fetch him many followers and he can rake in the moolah.

Second- Tiwari can take up modeling. He can be an ideal model for companies manufacturing medicines like Viagra. Here, both manufacturers and Tiwari, missed the bus. The companies manufacturing such drugs should have instantly seen immense opportunity in Tiwari as a model. Who else, but a man of 84, having it out with not one, but two girls, young enough to be his grand daughters, can be a better model for these medicines?

Third- Tiwari may be invited (almost certainly) to other countries for sharing his knowledge and expertise on this subject. He can charge a bomb for every lecture he delivers and make immense wealth. Wasn’t Lalu Prasad invited to disclose his wisdom for running railways? Then again, Ashrams teaching ‘Art of love’, on the lines of ‘Osho’ may not be far away.

Last, Even the God of love (Kamdev) may feel ashamed of himself and seek Tiwari’s advice on the subject for new tricks. Other Gods like Indra may make him their Guru and may want to learn why and how the law of ‘diminishing libido with age’, does not effect him.

There, inadvertently, I have shown him one more opportunity.

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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Political views-Sena awards

Not so long time ago, Shiv Sena was after Sachin Tendulkar’s blood for having said that he was an Indian first and Maharashtrian next and rightly so. These were simple words of a simple person having no interest in anything other then cricket, least of all politics. But the failing Sena these days tries to gain mileage from any and every thing.

This same Sena, upon Tendulkar having scored a double ton in a one day game, declared him a Bharat Ratna. Sena is after the government to confer Bharat Ratna on Tendulkar.

In fact, Sena is not at all concerned whether Tendulkar or anybody else for that matter, has Nationalist leanings or communal ones, whether Tendulkar scores a ton or a big zero. All it is trying to do is to remain in lime light and failing miserably. Even Maharashtrians are not impressed. Sena has failed to arouse interest of the local people and most of them are against Sena’s antics.

Here is a little suggestion. Sena should declare its own awards. That way, it will not have to depend on local or central government where awards are concerned. It has another advantage. If Sena is not happy with some one or let us say, if someone does not toe the line, Sena is free to bash him as is its wont. Next, if and when the same person achieves some thing, Sena can quickly award him with its own award. That way Sena may gain some ground.

How is that for a start?

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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Politically incorrect-Modigate

We have been reading about IPL scam in various news papers for the past several days. It is interesting to note that these papers are naming these articles on IPL on the basis of Watergate scam in the United States. Some articles are titled Kochigate, some are IPLgate and some Tharoorgate. Finally IPLgate is more or less an accepted term. I wonder why.

While it is interesting to come across all these titles with suffix “gate” and while all the articles singularly blame Lalit Modi for this huge scandal, it is disheartening to note that nobody has thought of the scam as “Modigate”. I think it is insulting to Lalit Modi. It is an accepted fact that IPL is Modi’s brainchild. He made a success of it. It is also an accepted fact that he never consulted anybody on any decision, major or minor. He ran IPL as his personal fiefdom. Modi is bigger then the game itself, or so he thought. Why then any gate other then Modigate. At least, let’s give the poor fellow his due.

Modi is no stranger to controversies. Right from his student days he is involved in one or the other. He takes them into his stride and rides on them. May be he even enjoys them. So he deserves all the credit for this episode for which he has worked so hard, involved so many relatives, managed to get support of stalwarts like Sharad Pawar and I. S. Bindra. Let it be Modigate.

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Header image credit: adapted from David Niblack

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